It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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