That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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