You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
