Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
