i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
