real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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