U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
