Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
