Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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