I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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