I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
