THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
