So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
