You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well you can't waste a boner
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
