Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
