I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
be right there i have to get my cape
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
