let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my poor anus
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
