She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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