Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
