I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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