if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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