I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The power of my boobs compel you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
