ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
