nut hugger
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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