I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
