what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
