I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
