We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
