broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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