she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
