i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
