You're completely useless in the revolution.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
