Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
