well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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