I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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