Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
