Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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