My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
