I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
