I CAN MOONWALK!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
