he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
