I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will be naked everywhere
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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