Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
