I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
