Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
