I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
