Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
