Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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