Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
