1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
