Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
