Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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